Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
