I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
