im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
