I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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