He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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