I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
