i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
