What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
