belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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