Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
