he wants to bone in the snuggie
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
