My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
