my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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