Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
