I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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