I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
