i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
