I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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