I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
