no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
