but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
