Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you had me at cake vodka
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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