You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
