so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
