Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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