Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
