it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
