dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
