White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
