How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
