I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
