Three words: puerto rican gang bang
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
