was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
