my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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