If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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