Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
