the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
