I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
