who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
