And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
