Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
