Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
