he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
