Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
