my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
