hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
