How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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