Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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