I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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