I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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