You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think I am morally bankrupt
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
