Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
