I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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